How to Write a Great First Message

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Saying something funny and non-threatening is good, too. You don't want to be a puppy dog following its master around all day. Don't be that fucker!

Example 1: Hey there. Often this question can be about a common interest you mention but any question is better than none. It was so cute! You should show it, or stop saying it.

How to Talk to a Girl Online: Proven Openers

According to , online dating has lost much of the stigma it used to have. Almost half the American public knows someone who has tried online dating or met a partner online and one-in-five adults between 24 and 34 have tried dating online. So you're not alone! Many people actually do find each other online and end up having long-term relationships. It's a pretty convenient way to meet someone. My dad even met someone on Eharmony last year and is still dating her to this day. Even though it's getting more popular, talking to women online isn't that easy. There are some proven things that work when trying to start conversations, though. I'm going to share with you some of the things that I've learned to get you talking and possibly meeting women, so listen up! I'm also going to give you some tips on engaging in conversation. First, I want to give you the scoop. Some girls like the feeling of having a lot of guys talking to them. But there are also a lot of women who are on online dating sites because they would actually like to meet someone. They don't just want an online friend and they're not on there to boost their ego. So when you're trying to start conversations, remember that everything you do should move towards meeting in person and taking things offline. My Experience With Online Dating I used PlentyOfFish because it was free. I was NOT going to pay to do online dating. I still use it time and again when I'm bored, probably like some women do. I physically met five of the girls I talked to on POF, and I lost count of how many numbers I got. I actually got so good at conversing that I got to the root of why some girls don't want to meet up. Some girls really are scared to meet up with men from online dating with a site like POF, where it's hard to really know who you're talking to, and I don't blame them. POF is so risk-free it actually becomes a little risky, especially for women. On other sites that you pay for, like eHarmony and Match. They even go through a confirmation process to validate your identity which makes it more comforting to women. So if a woman doesn't want to meet up, there are a million reasons why that could be. She might be busy, in a relationship, out of town, recovering from bad experiences with men, or nervous. The problem isn't necessarily you. Don't get hung up on it, and just move on. But you're here for the good stuff, so here we go: My Four Proven Openers for Chatting up Girls Online 1. Quick question, why come on here if you're going to ignore all the guys anyway. Explanation: I actually made this up and 90% of the time it works fabulously. You will get an instant reply. Even if she's a little defensive at first, it's much better than no response. This is a perfect teasing conversation starter. You're cute, it's too bad you go for the jock type. Explanation: She'll like the fact you gave her a compliment, but she'll be intrigued or outraged at how you think you know her. You can easily calm her down, though. Here's how I do it: Girl: Excuse me? How would you know I go for the jock guy, you don't know who I am. Me: Well I have a good eye, I can spot those kinds of girls when I see them. Girl: Well not me. So what makes you different? Explanation: This one actually only worked for me 50% of the time, but I didn't use it that much. I thought it would be kind of weird and offbeat, something no other guy would use. It's worth a shot for you at least. You're cute, it's too bad you're one of those shy girls. This is an excellent opener for someone who is a sensitive guy because it matches you well. The way to engage her is similar to my second opener. These are the ones that have worked really well for me, but here are some other pointers in case you tried these already or you want some other approaches to test out. Getting a girl to respond to you on Tinder or similar sites is less about relationships and more about the game. Most women are using it to have fun, so have some fun! If you can make them laugh, then you're in. Don't forget to make a good profile too see end of article. Feeling something even if it might be seen as slightly negative is better than feeling nothing. Most guys don't put any effort into their messages. If you do, you'll likely see better results. Because you could be. I just went to the store and got some. We could share them. I'm talking about meat, btw. I think we're married now. This is an eloping platform, right? Now that I've seen your face I can't remember anything else in my life. I hope I don't have to be at work right now. If you want, though, you can get to know the model in the photos. Give me your number and your address and I'll be there as soon as I can. If we go on a date, you'll get to see just how much I respect you. Let's just skip the nonsense and get to the inevitable. Do you like making out? I don't play, but I'd still like to show you how. Yes, I'm open to being both big and little spoon. No, I don't validate. Any of that sound good to you? I open chip bags from the bottom. Not even a sexy foot, just a normal foot with hair on the knuckles. Give me your number and I can send you a pic of my thumbs for proof. I'd like to get some workout tips from you. Alternatively, can I dog-sit for you? Have you ever tried a hanging chad? How turned on are you right now? It'd be nice to see you there. I mean, we could see each other beforehand too. OH MY GOD I JUST RHYMED. You were looking for trouble right? I can already tell. Want to go out? Because you fell from heaven. I messed that one up. Wait, sorry that was someone else. Hold on I'm on my way! I've been dreaming about you so long I was worried you didn't actually exist and that I was INSANE. Apparently its last wish was for us to go on a date. It was so cute! Yes, the face-worshipping religion. I'm a person too, you know. Whatever it was, I just want to let you know that you're right and I'm here just to listen to you. If you do nothing, you will continue to receive messages. Life is so hard. If she's a girl, though, she'll definitely be hot. Whoa was that pervy? This section will give some general guidelines for starting real conversations with women online for sites like OKCupid, POF, eHarmony. It's a little more than just trying to pick them up. Below you'll also find some more approaches and examples both of what to do and what not to do. Make an effort to stand out. Girls aren't listening to that stuff, so quit saying it. Being arrogant is a turnoff for women. Online conversations are perfect for lighthearted teasing. You can really get to know her when you meet her in person. No one likes someone who's negative all the time. People are attracted to happiness. You're not going to get a home run every time you hit the ball. There are tons more women out there. Ask her questions about herself, but leave the heavy getting-to-know-you stuff for in person. I love Alicia Keys too. Notice what works and what doesn't, and who's responding to what you're putting out there. Don't keep the messaging going on for too long before asking for a number or to meet up. That said, don't push for it too soon either. The longer you're messaging each other, the longer you'll be messaging each other. Unless you went online to get a pen pal, that can get old really fast. Ask to see her in person. Long messages are hard to respond to. Make her laugh, surprise her, or tease her. An emotional response is a good start to a conversation. For sites that are more known for people looking for relationships, it's best to try some other kinds of approaches, which will vary depending on your age, where you live, and who you're trying to meet. Remember that this is just a guide and not a law. Here are some approaches you can try: 1. Whimsical Statement Related to the Girl's Profile Example: A cup of coffee turns me from a grumpy morning person to a happy morning person! My favorite spot is Philz. Have you been there? An opener like this shows that you read her profile and saw that she likes coffee. You also gave her an easy question to answer if she wants to continue the conversation. Comment Followed by a Date Suggestion Example: I went to school in Boston too! I loved running on the Charles in fall. It was so beautiful. Also, I'm going to be a little bold here. I'm going to a dodgeball tournament with my friends on Monday night. You seem like the kind of girl that might be into that sort of thing. Whoa whoa whoa, you say. Isn't that too fast? Many women online don't want to stay there. It works best if it's a group hangout. You can combine it with a drink beforehand, making it really effective to find out more about who they are as a person. If she takes a look at your pictures and profile and thinks you look cool, you're in. Comment and Question Let's say a woman who now lives in Austin, TX says she's from Montgomery, Alabama and talks about how much she shamelessly loves country music: A sample message could be: Why shameless? Country music is God's gift to mankind. Have you been to Alamo? As a bonus, if she hasn't been to that bar, then you can invite her to go out there. A One-Sentence Opener and Date Suggestion Example: Talk Spain and tennis with me over whiskey in the city? I enjoyed your profile : Tom. This message is genius. It shows the girl that you read her profile, have an idea of things she'd like to talk about and where she'd like to go, and introduces you to her. If she wants to meet up with you, she'll say yes and you'll exchange numbers. If she doesn't, then you won't waste your time messaging her. Now you have your openers, get ready to respond to her replies! There are some approaches which seem to be really common that actually don't work at all. Learn them, avoid them, and move on. Here they are: 1. It doesn't show that you've taken any time to read her profile or figure out what she might be in to. It's a really easy message to pass up, and unless you're Brad Pitt, she's probably not going to respond. Introducing Yourself and then Asking a Generic Question Example: Hey! How are you doing today? This approach, like the above, is not so bad, though you probably won't see much success with it. Just like in real life, it's a little boring to just intro your name and then ask them how they're doing. They hear that kind of stuff every day. It's also easy to cut-and-paste this kind of message and when it's not even that interesting to start out with, it'll be easy for a girl to ignore. That's probably going to take more messages than you want to send or she'll want to respond to. They're bad for two reasons. Two is that they don't actually get any closer to you meeting up in person. Instead, you'll know that she'd rather die by razorblades than in a fire. How useful is that? Use questions and information that tells her about you and lets you get information about who she is. Make them feel interesting. You, by proxy, will also seem more interesting. First of all, they focus on yourself and your own lack of confidence and they make her feel awkward because now she has to reassure you that it's okay. She doesn't want to be your mom. At worst, she'll also assume she's strange for trying online dating too. Similarly, don't ask women how long they've been doing online dating. Those kinds of questions lead nowhere. Why does it matter? No one wants to go on a date with someone who will be their judge for the entire evening. If you like her, talking about noticing her spelling error might be the perfect thing to bring up on your 20th date, or never. Messages that are obviously cut-and-pasted Take an extra minute and send her a message that shows you read her profile and are interested in her specifically. Unfortunately, it makes you into a different kind of guy, one that doesn't get a response to his message. Sure, most people know that women tend to get a lot of messages from men and that some of them are ridiculous. That fact, however, has nothing to do with you and her, and really nothing to do with her. So why are you asking it? Complimenting a woman on her profile or giving her bonus points This is kind of a tricky one. In some cases, you can tell a girl that you liked her profile and it will totally work for you. In others, it just makes it sound like she passed a test, and tests aren't fun. No woman wants to be reminded that they're just another one in a crowd. None of these are good ways to start out with someone you think is attractive. The conversation part is where many people hit a wall. They either send too many messages and the conversation dies off before they get a chance to meet in real life, or they push for a date too soon when one party isn't ready. The best advice for engaging in conversation is to stay positive, ask her specific questions about herself with information you got from her profile, and ask for a date as soon as possible within three messages. This is why the best openers start with a combination of showing the girl you read her profile and are interested in her and introducing yourself in a way that make the girl feel comfortable. The more words you say, the more likely you're going to say something stupid. Remember, you're going to make mistakes, and that's okay. The important thing is to make sure that you learn from them. The opener is just part of the equation. If you have a killer opener but your profile looks like a dud, the girl's not going to message you back. If you want women to talk to you, you gotta look like someone worth talking to. I've seen too many disastrous profiles that make guys look undateable. Here are some tips for shaping up your profile. Your Pictures Your profile picture is the first thing a girl's going to see when she sees your message, so make it count! It also appears in a lot of places on most dating sites and will definitely be your first impression. Make Your Face Look Good Your profile picture should be a pic of your face, nothing else. If it's blurry, if you're wearing sunglasses or a hat, if the picture is too dark, it's likely going to be a pass for her. Ideally, you'd also be doing something and looking away from the camera but a nice photo will do as well. If you think that this is the perfect time to be holding a dog or a puppy, think again. If you love dogs or have kids, she'll learn about that in your profile. This is really easy to do with online photo editors like by using the focal point adjustment. When they take it, think about the last thing that made you laugh and smile like you mean it. You don't look cool. Don't Try to Hide Who You Are For the rest of your photos, you'll want at least one clear body shot and some pictures that give a hint as to who you are and how you spend your time. Do you have hobbies? What do you do with your friends? Don't post too many pictures of you with alcohol or with other women. Those can give the wrong impression. If you're not proud of your body or your face, use the photos as a way to show off your personality and something that you are proud of about yourself. If women feel like they don't know what you look like or that you're hiding something, they will almost certainly not agree to go out with you. Keep It Fresh It's also a good idea to test out a couple of profile pictures and rotate them every two weeks or so. What you think is a great photo might not actually be that attractive for the women you're trying to attract. All pictures should be within the last six months or so, maybe a year. If you don't have any recent pictures, this is a great time to go do something fun with your friends and have them do a photo shoot with you. Your Profile Name Remember that kid in middle school with the weird name that everyone made fun of? Consider this round two. Choose a profile name that talks about your interests or how you define yourself. Putting a little thought into this will go a long way. Avoid anything sexual, cocky, or stupid. How to Talk about Yourself: Profile Description Filling out your profile description can be daunting. If you think it's hard, you're not alone. Tons of guys don't know how to talk about themselves or do it in a way that sounds attractive. That's not how you want to come across, is it? Be Honest As tempting as it may be, you shouldn't lie about the hard facts. Don't say you don't have kids if you do. Don't say you're a lawyer when you're a paralegal. Should you end up meeting a woman in person, it will be hard for her to accept the fact you lied to her even if she might have liked you otherwise. Dishonesty is a turn-off. That said, if you occasionally smoke but wouldn't mind giving it up, it's okay to say you don't smoke. You know if you're being deceptive or not. Don't lie about your profession. If you're not proud of the way you made money, instead emphasize where you want to be in a couple of years or what your goals are. That shows that you're driven and that you have a plan for your life. Women are into that. Be Real Be open about your intent. If you actually want to meet someone, don't be shy about saying that. Downplaying your reasons for being online by saying that you don't have time for a relationship will only deter women from engaging with you at all. Be Positive This should go without saying, but your profile is not the place to complain about women or past relationships. In fact, it's not the place to complain at all. Talking negatively about women or anything will make you seem negative and unfun, and ultimately uninteresting. Talk about what you do like. A laundry list of what you're not looking for is really unattractive too i. Talk about what you are looking for instead. Be Interesting Tell a funny story! Making them laugh is a great way to get them interested. Talk about your quirks. If you're not sure what quirks you have, then ask your friends about some of the things they notice you doing. Being unique is how you're going to be able to attract attention in a sea of men. Be Brief Avoid going into a speech about your likes and dislikes. Imagine you're at a bar and a girl comes up to you and starts listing every single one of her favorite songs. Instead, think of your interests as potential conversation starters. Just a little bit will do. A longer profile is not necessarily better, and it doesn't have to be perfect. Again, in a blog from OKCupid, researchers found that profile pictures accounted for almost 90% of a person's impression of their profile. Your words, while helpful, are secondary. Keep your answers short, upbeat, and unique. Meeting up in person is always the best way to get to know someone. Assume you'll really get to know each other then. Look Smart Use spell check and proper grammar. Obviously you should still sound like yourself, but you don't want to sound like a dummy or like someone who doesn't care enough to put a good impression of themselves out there. Like in many things, the kind of responses you get from women reflect what you're putting out there. Did you put time into your profile? Would the kind of woman you want to date be attracted to the person from your profile? Did you put time into your messages? Are you sending messages that the kind of woman you want to date would want to respond to? If you're not having any luck, talk to a close friend female friend if possible and get their input on what you're doing. Be open to their suggestions. Remember that part of the fun is making mistakes AND learning from them. Good luck out there! I agree on a lot of tips your shared, particularly your advice on sharing funny stories, jokes, and being interesting to a girl because that'll make her laugh, giggle, and give a lot of positive emotions a lot of guys only appear serious and boring. When talking to a girl online, it's also better not to text her often. Don't resond her right away, because it'll create a sense of mystery and you won't come across as a creep who text her 10 messages every other day. To get a girl out, make your text short and sweet, and take charge of the interaction, by giving her the exact location and time to meet, where you'll guys go, and what you'll do. It'll make her feel comfortable and she'll more likely show up. Based on user experiences though, you can ask a girl out anytime with a 10 minute conversation. Check out my site so your worries of online dating fraud will be out of the way. If you're curious I met several very attractive nice woman from that site: Over the past 11 months I have hooked up with more girls than I have my entire life! Take a picture of your shower curtain. Buy expensive tickets to events you have no interest in, get dressed up, drive 100 miles to the event, wait around outside in the parking lot for about an hour then go home. Eat a meal at a fancy restaurant alone. Write your credit card numbers on the walls of public restrooms. Also I hate puppies and fun. I've been using the 1st opener a lot and it's been working very well. And it's so much fun trying to figure out what else to say after lmao. But it really has been working like a charm. In a day and a half i've had about 20 beautiful women respond to me. All of either black, hispanic, or mixed race. But my suggestion would be to change the wording a bit. Works better for me. But quick disclaimer: in my opinion no opener is going to get a woman to respond to you if she's not attracted to you. So guys do anything it takes to make yourself more attractive. Get in shape if you're not already. Write a better profile. It will all help. Women have many guys trying to talk to them. I reply to guys who are either cute or piss me off? Guess which category you've fallen under? Shame because had you attempted to message me something civil you would have fallen under the first category! The culture around dating from a female perspective can be terrifying. If a girl is willing to get in the car with you without any precautions, then she's either extremely naïve or is irresponsible to a point of a high school attitude. As awesome as that sounds, she'll make for a shitty girlfriend. What you need to do is create a safe environment for any girl online. Don't joke about things like rape or real life violence. These are legitimate concerns in dating culture for women. Similarly, you need to be respectful about any reservations she has. Not giving you her facebook or twiter, though rare for online dating, is not a personal rejection. It can be a simple protection of her privacy until she gets to know you better. Most importantly, if you get a first date, then don't assume you'll be picking her up. Dating someone a woman doesn't know personally takes more preparation than looking good. If you are dealing with a responsible, self-preserving woman, then she will have her own transportation, she'll have given trusted friends her location information for the night, and may have taken other precautions. This sounds like a lot of things for one woman to do before one date, and it is, but it's also both necessary and so normal to women that it shouldn't be obvious on the actual date. Just be aware, gentlemen, and don't be personally affronted when she turns down the ride home. Makes it easier to build on their responses. The philosopher has given you some great openers which I have tried myself and had continued success with. Pof has become more of an entertainment thing for me. I'd like to go on and on and tell you what to do because I honestly feel sorry for you, quite frankly I don't have the patients to type it all right now. I've used his lines word for word and they work but you have to choose which line to use on who. Take his lines and make them your own as well. Look at what they are in to and research it, google it if you have to, after their response, change the subject and inquire to their interests with an intelligent question or ponder her response for a while and think of what she means by it. Honestly, have a few beers or smoke a dubee, helps the creativity flow. Try to come up with your own lines. Think of what is going on right now. I've used this on 7 women so far and had a 100% response today. I have 3 options, that's a good take! Be patient, don't respond right away, wait a few hours or even a day. Think of what you are going to say. Not to be mean, but, you're being insecure. You will learn this as you go on, and like I said, that is as far as I can lead you, as, you need to create the building blocks for yourself. What you can do, is forget about having the perfect words to say, and forget about getting her completely... Girls always love to talk, no matter how inconfident you are.. I encourage you to build your conversation skills with anyone.. I was never good at messaging girls online just because I couldn't figure out how to make it interesting. In person, it is much easier for me. But online, even when girls do message back, it just isn't fun, it was always boring cause it just wasn't an interesting conversation. It got to the point where I myself would stop messaging. Anyway, I literally copy and pasted your first line five minutes ago, and I already got replies. My old self might be begging for more information - Part of me really wants to, but now, I actually like the dance. It's fun trying to figure out what to say or do. So yeah, thank you, I was literally almost done with online dating just cause it was boring. These lines just made it more interesting. You'll have a lot of mess-ups. I literally just made that up, and once you go through more and more girls, you will be able to keep convos going like nothing. Like I said, you have to suck before you get better ;. If I told you step-by-step on what to do, you would just be using a script and when it came to real-life you would be blank, because... You used a script and knew nothing and are now in the blue. Just keep going my man, I provided everything you need in this article. You will have to go through 10s, 20s of girls. I was really stuck on that part.. Other product and company names shown may be trademarks of their respective owners. HubPages ® is a registered Service Mark of HubPages, Inc. HubPages and Hubbers authors may earn revenue on this page based on affiliate relationships and advertisements with partners including Amazon, Google, and others. This website uses cookies As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, pairedlife. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so. 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It can be a simple between of her privacy until she gets to know you better. Ask a Question Nothing starts a conversation quicker than a question, so do yourself a huge favour and simply ask one. But if you message a man first, he will be 6. Meet More High Sincere Women — Fast. My favorite spot is Philz. Explanation: She'll like the fact you gave her a compliment, but she'll be intrigued or outraged at how you think you know her. If you want an equal, be an equal, and that goes for contacting and pursuing those that you want to know much better. So what do you include in this short, introductory email. That shows that you're driven and that you have a plan for your life. Ask her questions about herself, but leave the heavy getting-to-know-you stuff for in el. If you're curious I met several very attractive nice woman from that site: Over the past 11 months I have hooked up with more girls than I have my entire life!.